Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us... Ephesians 5:1-2
Much is made of wives submitting and husbands loving in marriage. God is clear on those commands to married people. But did you realize that Jesus did both things first: submitting and loving?
1. Let's tackle loving your wife first.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her... Ephesians 5:25
This love in Ephesians 5:25 is "agape" love. "Agape" love is unconditional love. It is described as "love that brings forth caring regardless of circumstance." (see posting on Agape love - Dec 2010) A husband who loves his wife with agape love cares for her even when she is moody, or unattractive, or not meeting his needs, or busy, or overwhelmed, or nagging, or ignoring him, or critical, or controlling... A husband who loves his wife with agape love sets aside all of her shortcomings and circumstances, and loves her anyway. He lays down his desires for hers. He chooses her needs before his. He serves her. He gives himself up for her.
Sound attractive, wives? It sure does to me. But it also sounds impossible, doesn't it. Well, Jesus did it first.
Christ loved us and gave himself up for us...
Jesus loved us, His church, His bride (Rev. 19:7), so much that He died for us so that we could have a direct relationship with the Father. Jesus set aside all of our shortcomings and circumstances, and while we were still sinning, Jesus died for us anyway (Romans 5:8.). This is the standard that Jesus sets for husbands! He sets the bar really high. Husbands are to strive to love their wives like this. Can you imagine if all husbands loved their wives this way? Can you imagine if they died to their own desires and needs and always put their wives first? How amazing and attractive would marriage be?
But the ladies have a steep responsibility, too...
2. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:22-24
This word submit in the Greek is hupotasso which means "to yield to ones advice" or "a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden." This word can also be used in military language meaning "to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion under the command of a leader" for the purpose of mutual protection and victory.
I see this as, you can't have too many cooks in the kitchen. One person has to take charge, or nothing gets done. Ever been at a meeting when there isn't a clear cut leader? When several people are jockeying for control? Nothing gets done and everyone gets frustrated. Now think of a meeting when the leader (or boss or PTO president or pastor) led the meeting, considered everyone's input, then made the best decision for the good of the group. I believe this is what God intends for marriage. A woman is not asked to be a footstool or like hired help in her home. She is asked, for the good of the team, to give her husband the final say. She is asked to "yield" to her husband, like when you let someone go ahead of you on the road. You choose to let them go first, so that you don't wreck both your cars.
Some men have misunderstood this passage and expected their wives to be doormats that they stepped on for their own selfish agenda. Some women have misunderstood this passage and rejected it because they thought that submission meant that they would lose their value or strength or "rights" or importance in a marriage. However, Jesus did not ask women to do something He didn't already do first. Jesus submitted Himself to the Father's will and to death on a cross.
[Jesus] fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” Matthew 26:39
Jesus submitted Himself to the Father. He chose the Father's will over His own. Aren't we glad He did? Because Jesus submitted to the Father and willingly yielded His life to death on the cross, we can forever be forgiven for any and all sin in our lives. We can enjoy eternal life in heaven when we believe in Jesus, and ask Him to be our Savior and King. Jesus' submission changed the world forever.
Jesus did not ask husbands and wives to do something that He didn't already do first: loving and submitting. Jesus' love and submission changed eternity, and I believe that a marriage that follows God's Word by loving and submitting "as to the Lord" is radical and can also make a huge difference in a family, in a community, and in a nation.
One last thought: Even Jesus had to ask the Father for help. We need God's help to have a marriage that is loving and submissive. It does not come naturally, at least for me!
God, would you help us as wives to submit to our husbands and trust you for the results. Would you help our husbands to love us as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. May our marriages be radical and wonderful, and make a positive impact on the world around us. Amen.
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