Yesterday I was exhausted. Emotionally, physically, I needed rest. Often on Thursday nights, I try to get out in the evening, just to get out, go somewhere by myself (without 4 kids in tow!), and have some fun. Yesterday afternoon, I didn't know how to spend my Thursday night. My girlfriend couldn't join me, I wanted to shop but didn't have much money... I felt discouraged because I didn't know what to do. I asked God to give me rest. What I really wanted was to fly away with Todd to Mexico for 5 days and sit on the beach in the sun. That's REALLY what I wanted to do. But since that wasn't an option, I prayed for rest.
I felt led by the Holy Spirit to visit my neighbor. She's a modern day widow. She's divorced, lives alone, physically housebound for the most part. She doesn't need food or money like the widows of the Bible, but she needs company. I get lonely when Todd's out two nights in a row. I can't imagine how lonely she gets day after day by herself.
But I admit that I didn't really want to go. I didn't think it seemed restful. Thursday was MY night! My rest! It was supposed to be a time to refill my tank, not further empty it again. But I also wanted to obey God and where I thought He was asking me to go. So I went.
We had a very pleasant time. We chatted about our houses, the neighborhood, marriage, her health. I stayed about an hour. I was so glad I went.
I came home, planning to sit in front of the T.V. and eat junk food. (Now that's real rest, right?) But for some reason, I didn't. Instead I went to my bathroom that I've been painting and redoing, and I finished the work I'd been doing that day. I even cleaned it, hung a new medicine cabinet and picture on the wall, put away the paint supplies, put all our toiletries away in the cabinet. (Still not "restful.") Eventually I did end up in front of the T.V., with a smile on my face. (I skipped the junk food!)
Before bed I've been trying to read a Psalm every night. I'm teaching at our upcoming women's retreat on worship, and I want to learn to worship. I turned off the light to go to sleep, and the Lord reminded me to read my Psalm. So I got back up, and this is what I read:
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul. Psalm 23:1-3a
I'm still amazed when I read something and it says something completely different to me than the last time I read it. Also when Scripture so directly speaks to where I'm at in that exact moment. Two things, here:
1. Just three psalms earlier, David is praying that the Lord would give him the desires of his heart and grant all his requests. Here, he's saying that he doesn't have any wants. It's as if God has, three psalms later, filled the desires of David's heart and granted all David's requests.
Last night I prayed for rest. God led me to a place I didn't see as restful, yet this morning I feel rested AND joyful! I feel more rested than I have all week.
2. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. God knows what will give us rest. Physical and spiritual rest. (Both are important!) These verses are a picture of rest. I've been asking God for a while to teach me about rest. As a busy mom of four kids, a leader of women's ministry, and a woman involved in many people's lives, I get tired! And I don't always know what will bring me rest. Sometimes it is T.V. and books. Other times its coffee with a friend. But sometimes my method of "rest" just doesn't work, and I'm left feeling discouraged and not rested.
What I'm seeing is that I need to ask God for help, even to rest. Psalm 23 tells me that He can give me rest, and I saw His provision in that way last night. He knows what I need that day, that moment. He knows what will truly give me rest. He knows that sometimes what I call "work" in that moment will actually bring me peace and give me better rest.
I'm so thankful to God for giving me rest last night. I feel like I can do another day. I'm also thankful that because of God, I shall not be in want. Thank you, Father.
"One day, after Moses had grown up..." Exodus 2:11
Few words, but I couldn't move on. I've been looking at Moses' mother for a few years now. I keep reading and rereading her story, seeing something new each time. This morning I was reading Exodus to my children, but I couldn't move on from this verse. There was something there for me. Something that I hadn't yet seen about Moses' mother.
Moses grew up. In that one verse, forty years are covered. In the passage that follows, events are covered that happened when he was 40. Yes, Moses grew up. We hear about him as a 3-month old, then here as a 40 year old. What happened in 40 years? He was living life in Pharaoh's palace. What I'm more interested in for now is what happened to Jocebed, his mom? We don't hear anything more about her after he was 3-months old. We read about her great faith, prophet insight, and fearless parenting of a newborn. And nothing more. What happened to Jocebed?
Chances are, she went on to live a "normal" life. Normal meaning the life of a Hebrew slave in Egypt. She probably never saw the Lord's deliverance of His people (she would have been at least 100). She probably never saw the great man that her "fine child" became. Probably the last she ever saw or heard of her son was the palace prince who would become a murderer (that comes later in chapter 2 of Exodus).
Here's why this all spoke to me so clearly. Perhaps the greatest ministry I will ever do is RIGHT NOW raising my children. Perhaps I'm raising Moses. I often dream of a teaching ministry that will carry me around the country. I see "the good stuff", the "exciting stuff," as yet to come. But perhaps I'm in it right now. Perhaps the greatest thing I will ever do for the kingdom of God is to raise four children who know, love and serve the Lord. I could be raising Moses.
Not all kids are designed by God to be Moses, a great leader. But Jocebed also raised Miriam (a worshipper, a leader of women and a prophetess - Exodus 15:20) and Aaron (public speaker, miracle worker, companion to Moses and the first high priest - Exodus 6-12, 28). Jocebed's kids served God and experienced God in extraordinary ways.
So I say again: What if I'm raising Moses? I could waste my days dreaming about the future, or I could realize how important today is. I could give my all to my kids - loving them, training them in self-control and obedience, teaching them the Bible and how to pray, and coaching them in how to love each other, unselfishly. Perhaps this will be my greatest contribution to the Kingdom of God.
...I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Ephesians 4:1
God help me to live a life worthy of the calling I have received. Help me today to raise my children to be faithful followers of the King.
I started looking at Proverbs and Money because I was asking God to free me from the chronic money worry in my life. I wanted to get personal in this post, and glorify God for what He has done, and how He has done "a good work in me" and brought "it to completion." (Philippians 1:6)
Its amazing to me that we can search in one place, but God will find us in another. I was looking for freedom from money worry in Proverbs, but God freed me in Ephesians. Ephesians 5:22-24 says:
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
"What do submission and money worry have to do with each other?" you may be wondering. For me, everything.
It all started with a fight. Todd and I both wanted to make some changes in how we did things financially. We disagreed on how to make those changes, thus the fight. I thought he was wrong; he was just angry. As I prayed through our fight that day, the Lord showed me that I was the one who was wrong. Part of how God did that was from listening to this sermon by Mars Hill Church pastor, Mark Driscoll, which 'just happened' to be already on my itunes account.
http://marshill.com/media/trial/marriage-and-women
See, God made Todd head of my house, head of my family, and head of me. That means he lovingly, sacrificially, gives up his life for us as a family, and in return, we give him the leadership and respect that God commands that we give him. That includes our finances. What I understood as I listened to Mark Driscoll speak was that my worry about our finances came from two places:
1. I didn't have peace because I was in sin. Even though I was unaware of my sin. Peace comes from obedience, not sin.
2. I was taking on responsibility that wasn't mine. I felt the burden to make the right decision. That burden wasn't mine! AND, I was missing out on God's blessing. God gave me Todd not to RULE over me, dominate me, boss me around. God gave me Todd to CARE for me, provide for me, lead me, and take responsibility for me and our family. I was taking the responsibility and burden that God gave to Todd and putting it on myself. What a fool I am! I felt worry because I was carrying a burden that was not mine. The truth is, Todd takes much better care of me than I can care for myself. He is more aware of my needs and generous with me than I am. I spent 11 years missing out on the blessings of being led by my husband. He is a good, kind, loving, generous man. But I didn't trust him. In my pride, I thought I could do it better, and I'm the one who suffered.
I humbled myself before God, and then Todd, and repented of my sin. I had failed to submit in this area for our entire marriage. And I was the one who was reaping the fruit of my sin -- worry! Todd, and God!, of course forgave me, and we moved ahead into uncharted territory: Todd leading our finances.
We did bills a couple days later with Todd at the helm for the first time in our married life. And I saw him shoulder the burden (so I didn't have to!) for the first time. I saw him look critically at our budget for the first time. And the truth is, he is the one with the administrative gifts! Not me! He is a much better problem solver and critical thinker than I am. I realized that night how badly in error I had been, but also, how grateful I was to watch my husband pick up his responsibility and carry it - for me.
The first decision Todd made was to sell his car. I had been telling him it was foolish for many months, but I was the fool. Within a week, God had provided a new car for free. And in one month's time, we saved $160 in gas alone! God added blessing to our obedience.
It's been a month since we made the change. And I tell you, I feel free! I don't feel responsible! Because I'm not. I play an active role in managing our monthly cash flow, but I don't feel the burden of managing our money, big picture. What a relief! Because ultimately, Todd is responsible before God for every decision he makes. So even if I disagree, it doesn't matter. That's for God to work out, not me.
Living God's way brings peace and blessing. We are called to take that step of faith and believe Him and what He says in His Word. Then we can watch Him show His faithfulness!!! I would encourage you to do the same.
It's so important that we have God's perspective on money. In Proverbs, there is so much wisdom on many topics, including money. In this post, we'll continue on our journey to freedom from financial worry.
The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender. Proverbs 22:7
Let's split this verse up, and look at each half individually.
The rich rule over the poor...
In "Proverbs and Money - Part 1" we learned that the Lord created both rich and poor alike. They are both dust, equal, and God doesn't play favorites. Yet, the rich rule over the poor. This truth makes me uncomfortable. I know it's true, but should it be this way? Shouldn't the rich have compassion over the poor? Shouldn't the rich fight for the cause of the poor, and provide for their needs?
Isaiah 58:6-7 says:
Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?
Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter -
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
We established earlier that if you are reading this blog, you are wealthy. You have the means to buy or borrow a computer, and the education to read it. So we, the rich, are not to rule over the poor, but instead to feed them and provide shelter for them, to clothe them and not "turn away from [our] own flesh and blood." Because remember, we are both made by the same Creator. We are, rich and poor, flesh made from dust.
The rich may rule over the poor, but it shouldn't be this way. We can make a different choice: to care for the poor instead of rule over them.
Believers in the early church took it a step further. In Acts 2:42-45 it says:
42 They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. Acts 2:42-47
This passage has always encouraged me, challenged me, and made me very uncomfortable. I'm excited to devote myself, along with my fellow believers in a small group, to studying the Word and hanging out together. I love to eat with them, and I'd love to spend far more time in prayer. I long to see God do many signs and wonders in my small group. I'd love to be used as an instrument of miracles, where God's power through the Holy Spirit flows through me and makes me a miracle worker! Its the next part that challenges me:
All the believers were together and had everything in common. Acts 2:44
What does this mean? They had everything in common? Does that mean they liked to watch the same TV shows, shop at the same stores, eat the same food and go to the same church? I looked up the phrase "everything in common" in the Greek and this is what I found. In the KJV the phrase is they had "all things common." The word "common" in the Greek is koinos which means "ordinary" or "belonging to generality." I interpret this one of two ways:
1. No one owned anything fancy or expensive, or
2. They shared everything, like the saying, "What's mine is yours and what's yours is mine." Its as if no one laid claim to anything he or she had, because as soon as someone had a need, they were willing to sell anything to meet that need.
This is where I get very uncomfortable. If I want to be obedient to God and His Holy Word, and if I want to see miraculous signs and wonders, and see the Lord adding daily to those who are saved, I should be living this way. But I don't. I'm not. The passage goes on to explain how to have "all things common."
Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need.
Acts 2:45
If this is how to have all things common, then I don't think it was enough for the early believers just to have "ordinary" things, all of them living humble, simple lives with common, simple, non-fancy stuff. They could have fancy, ornate, expensive "stuff," but none of them held on tight to any of it. It was as if they held it with open hands. I have it now, but if there is a need, I'll sell it at any time and give to whoever needs it. Wow. There are tears in my eyes because I don't live that way. This is so anti-American Dream. The American Dream says get more stuff than your parents have so that you can make a "better life" for your children. But is it really a better life? Are we missing the point completely? And are we missing out on miracles and salvations because our goal is accumulation instead of distribution?
If we want to see people get saved, if we want to see God do amazing things, we need to have a looser grip on our "stuff." We need to give to the poor, at home and abroad. We need to proclaim Christ with our words AND our checkbooks. This is a massive challenge for us Americans. But God calls us to live differently than the world. Are you ready to take that step of faith? Am I?
So I'm certainly no parenting expert. And about a million books have been written on how to love and care for our children. What I do have is God's Word. That's where we will go today (because what is more valuable than the Bible for life and advice?) to answer the question:
How do I love my children?
Since we are exploring this morning:
My Responsibilities as a Wife, Biblically
2. Love my children (Titus 2:4) - they are his kids, after all
1 Corinthians 13 tells us what love is. It's often read at weddings, or talked about in the context of marriage. But why not use it as a parenting guide? Let's look first at the text:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Before we dig in, I've got to be honest. This has been a rough parenting week. Rough two weeks. Yesterday, my oldest and I had a battle about what she was wearing to school. My youngest caught a cold, it turned into an ear infection, decided to pop some teeth and stop napping all at the same time. He's spent much of the day loudly complaining. Around 6pm, I literally locked myself in my bathroom and prayed to Jesus that I wouldn't do something I would regret!
Having patience is difficult, but a part of loving your children. We need patience to wait for them to learn to tie their shoes. We need patience when they ask for "just a little longer" snuggling. We need patience when they've spilled their sticky apple juice for the fourteenth time that week. We need patience when they ask for help picking out their outfit then choose something else to wear as soon as you walk out of the room. Or wet the bed. Again. I could go on. But this is just my kids. I imagine in other stages, we need patience for them to come back to the Lord. We need patience for them to make good choices with friends, or schoolwork, or to change the way they act towards you. We need patience to wait for them to find the right spouse, or give us grandbabies.
Patience may come easier to some personality types than others, but ultimately, its just a fruit of the Holy Spirit. If we desire to love our children, we need to ask the Holy Spirit for patience. Its not going to come "naturally." In fact, this morning, I'm going to ask the Holy Spirit for patience. Because I do absolutely struggle with loving my children in this way. Case and point: getting 4 children to the bus stop on time; 2 on the bus, 2 along for the ride. Thats 4 pairs of shoes, 4 coats, 2 backpacks, 2 lunches, 1 bike, 1 helmet, 1 stroller, and one frazzled mom who is trying to feed them, teach them a Bible lesson, and get them out the door on time without yelling. I don't always accomlish it (both the on time part or the not yelling part). Only with the help of the Holy Spirit will I do this.
So how do I love my husband? Love my children. They are his kids, afterall.
Love is kind. Here's another way to love my children. Websters dictionary defines kind as "showing tenderness or goodness; disposed to do good and confer happiness; averse to hurting or paining; benevolent; benignant; gracious."
Kindness seems connected to goodness. Yet another fruit of the Spirit. There is a connection here... if I want to love my children, I need to ask for the Holy Spirit's help, and ask for Him to give me His fruit! Here's how I see this playing out, for example: With my daughter, I speak gently to her, and not harshly. I don't exasperate her with my expectations on her. I give her more hugs and hold her hand more, if she'll let me. I do little things for her that are unexpected that show her that I love her, like writing her little notes for her lunchbox, or giving her little gifts that she didn't ask for. I can't do this alone. Come, Holy Spirit, come.
More to come...
After a recent conversation with a friend, we asked the question, "What are our responsibilities as wives, Biblically?" Based on that conversation, we took a walk through the Word and made a list. It's certainly not all inclusive, but its a good start. I'm sure it will take me a lifetime just to get the first two.
In this post, I'll write the list. In coming week, months, hopefully I will begin to flesh out each one, giving the Scripture meaning and depth. Here goes:
My Responsibilities as a Wife, Biblically
1. Love my husband (Titus 2:4)
2. Love my children (Titus 2:4) - They are his kids, after all
3. Be self-controlled (Titus 2:5)
4. Purity (Titus 2:5) - not even a hint of sexual immorality (Eph. 5:3)
5. To be busy at home (Titus 2:5)
6. Kind (Titus 2:5)
7. To be subject to my husband (Titus 2:5), as to the Lord, in everything (Eph. 5:22-24)
8. To leave my parents, and cleave to my husband (Eph. 5:31)
9. To become one flesh (Eph. 5:31), to have sex with my husband (1 Cor. 7:3)
10. To give my body freely to my husband and don't hold back (1 Cor. 7:4)
11. Respect my husband (Eph. 5:33)
12. Do not repay evil for evil (Romans 12:17)
13. Pray for my husband (Romans 12:12)
14. Forgive him (Matthew 6:14)
Since I would like to think through these things, get them off the page, off a list, into my heart and into my actions, I'm going to work through each item on the list. Join me.
My responsibilities as a wife, biblically
1. Love my husband (Titus 2:4).
Recently my husband (when I asked him how I could love him better) told me he'd feel so loved if I'd make his coffee in the morning and bring it to him (while he's studying his Bible!). It seemed like an easy request, and of course I consented. I want to love my husband. I do love my husband. Of course I want to practically love him. ... So why am I struggling so much with my attitude about this? I feel like a servant girl or a gopher or a secretary bringing coffee to her boss. Probably because there is nothing in this one for me. I'm being selfish. Love is not selfish, or self-seeking. Love does not look for "what's in it for me." Yet that is the place I'm in.
See, the other ways Todd feels loved are 1) physical affection and 2)words of encouragement. OK, 1) physical affection. This one is easy. Though I'm not a touchy-feely sort of gal, its easy to love Todd this way because we will sit on the couch, I will rub his feet and he will TALK TO ME. My love language: quality time. This one is a win-win. Or 2) words of encouragement. God made me an encourager. This also comes easy. Plus, his immediate reaction is so gratifying when I tell him what a wonderful man he is. And I honestly mean it.
But serve him??? Oh boy. When I take spiritual gift tests, service is always as the bottom of my list. And I already serve him and my family constantly: I make their breakfasts, lunch, dinner; I clean their bathrooms and wash their clothes; I make annoying phone calls (like to insurance company) and run errands. Now I have to bring him his coffee???
As I write, I'm reminded of Philippians 2:1-7:
If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and in purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant...
If I want to have the same attitude as Jesus, I need to take on the "nature of a servant." That means I need to have the character, the attributes of, to act like a servant. Jesus served me when "he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross!" (Philippians 2:8b). If I call myself a Christ-follower, than that means I follow the example of Jesus, my Savior and my Boss. That means I serve my husband, and know that not only am I loving him as I'm directed to in Titus 2, but I'm following the example of Jesus as I do it.
As I write, the coffee started perking. I set it up on automatic start last night before I went to bed. Was that really that hard? It took me about 30 seconds to do. Is there anything in it for me? On the surface, no. But in my heart, if I could just get my attitude right, there is something for me. I enjoy the satisfaction that I'm following Jesus, practically. I'm being a servant, like Jesus was. And it's not like I'm dying on a cross here. I'm making coffee. I think I can do that.
Father, I need help with being a servant. It's a struggle for me. I'm tired of serving, and I confess that I resented the request, even though I asked for the feedback. Please forgive me for my selfishness. I do have encouragement from being united with Jesus. I do find GREAT comfort in His love. I do enjoy fellowship with your Holy Spirit, walking and talking with Him. Please help me to be one in spirit and purpose with Todd. Please deliver me from my selfishness, and help me to consider Todd better than myself. Help me put his needs above my own. As I pray that, please Father, take care of me as I serve my family and others. Please help me to be a servant, as Jesus is a servant. Help me to follow Jesus in word AND in deed. Help me to love my husband as you asked me to because you love me MADLY and you want me to THRIVE in my marriage. Thank you, Father, for loving me. Amen.
