Running Away

There was a time when I wanted to run away. It was a particularly painful season in my life. The Holy Spirit had shined a light into my soul and revealed all the darkness. I admitted to myself, then to my husband, and eventually to God, how angry I was that my life had turned out the way that it had.  I was supposed to be a doctor, a successful career woman who did want she wanted, earned respect and glory for herself, then came home after a satisfying day at work and enjoyed quiet, a bubble bath and a glass of wine, and no one needing anything from me. Instead, I was a mom of four needy children, wife to a sinner, working hard for glory that was not my own. I was angry at everyone and disgusted at the reality of me.

Disciples of Jesus wanted to run away, too.

Jesus had just delivered His controversial, “if you eat my flesh and drink my blood, you will have eternal life” speech. (John 6:53ff) His disciples (which seem from the passage to be far more than just the 12) are having a tough time with this teaching. They are offended, and many of them “turned back and no longer followed him” (John 6:66). So Jesus goes to the Twelve, wondering if they are going to leave, too. He asks Peter and the Twelve,

“You do not want to leave, too, do you?” (John 6:67)

I can hear the rejection in Jesus’ voice.

Peter, passionate as always, not yet fallen, not yet denied Jesus, responds beautifully, and honestly.

“Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life” (John 6:68).

I hear Peter saying, “Jesus, where we gonna go? There’s no one like you. This is tough, but we aren’t going anywhere.”

I wanted to run away. Leave this life that God had called me to and go… where?

I got as far as the bathroom (my hiding place). I knew if I ran, abandoned my family, that God would still be there. I couldn’t go anywhere He wasn’t. I thought of the psalm,

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from you presence?

If I go to the heavens, you are there;

If I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

If I settle of the far side of the sea,

Even there your hand will guide me,

Your right hand will hold me fast.       Psalm 139:8-10

I read this story a while back about a woman who decided that she didn’t want to be a mom anymore. The title of the Yahoo! story was “The opposite of a 'Tiger Mother': leaving your children behind.” A mom of two boys, 5 and 3, got a fellowship to study in Japan for six months, and at about four months in, when the boys came to visit, she decided she didn’t want to parent them full time anymore. As tempted as I was to judge, I understood her. Motherhood IS a FULL TIME JOB (regardless if you work outside the home or not!). Live on your own for a while, taste freedom, live life for yourself, and why would you want to go back? 

But here’s why I would go back. Because Jesus, as difficult as His teaching is, would ask me to go back. He’s got the words of life. He’s got peace and joy in His back pocket. He’s got the keys to eternal life in heaven, and abundant life on earth.

Jesus tells us to serve. Jesus served.

 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

             Who, being in very nature God,

             did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,

             But made Himself nothing,

             Taking the very nature of a servant,

             being made in human likeness.
                                                                         Philippians 2:6-7

I didn’t run away that day. I stayed. I had the hard conversation with my husband. I cried out to the Lord.  I choose to follow Jesus, even when His teachings are difficult, I fail miserably or don’t understand.

He has the words of eternal life.

Proverbs and Money - Freedom

I started looking at Proverbs and Money because I was asking God to free me from the chronic money worry in my life. I wanted to get personal in this post, and glorify God for what He has done, and how He has done "a good work in me" and brought "it to completion." (Philippians 1:6)

Its amazing to me that we can search in one place, but God will find us in another. I was looking for freedom from money worry in Proverbs, but God freed me in Ephesians. Ephesians 5:22-24 says:

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 

"What do submission and money worry have to do with each other?" you may be wondering. For me, everything.

It all started with a fight. Todd and I both wanted to make some changes in how we did things financially. We disagreed on how to make those changes, thus the fight. I thought he was wrong; he was just angry. As I prayed through our fight that day, the Lord showed me that I was the one who was wrong. Part of how God did that was from listening to this sermon by Mars Hill Church pastor, Mark Driscoll, which 'just happened' to be already on my itunes account.

http://marshill.com/media/trial/marriage-and-women

See, God made Todd head of my house, head of my family, and head of me. That means he lovingly, sacrificially, gives up his life for us as a family, and in return, we give him the leadership and respect that God commands that we give him. That includes our finances. What I understood as I listened to Mark Driscoll speak was that my worry about our finances came from two places:

1. I didn't have peace because I was in sin. Even though I was unaware of my sin. Peace comes from obedience, not sin.

2. I was taking on responsibility that wasn't mine. I felt the burden to make the right decision. That burden wasn't mine! AND, I was missing out on God's blessing. God gave me Todd not to RULE over me, dominate me, boss me around. God gave me Todd to CARE for me, provide for me, lead me, and take responsibility for me and our family. I was taking the responsibility and burden that God gave to Todd and putting it on myself. What a fool I am! I felt worry because I was carrying a burden that was not mine. The truth is, Todd takes much better care of me than I can care for myself. He is more aware of my needs and generous with me than I am. I spent 11 years missing out on the blessings of being led by my husband. He is a good, kind, loving, generous man. But I didn't trust him. In my pride, I thought I could do it better, and I'm the one who suffered.

I humbled myself before God, and then Todd, and repented of my sin. I had failed to submit in this area for our entire marriage. And I was the one who was reaping the fruit of my sin -- worry! Todd, and God!, of course forgave me, and we moved ahead into uncharted territory: Todd leading our finances.

We did bills a couple days later with Todd at the helm for the first time in our married life. And I saw him shoulder the burden (so I didn't have to!) for the first time. I saw him look critically at our budget for the first time. And the truth is, he is the one with the administrative gifts! Not me! He is a much better problem solver and critical thinker than I am. I realized that night how badly in error I had been, but also, how grateful I was to watch my husband pick up his responsibility and carry it - for me.

The first decision Todd made was to sell his car. I had been telling him it was foolish for many months, but I was the fool. Within a week, God had provided a new car for free. And in one month's time, we saved $160 in gas alone! God added blessing to our obedience.

It's been a month since we made the change. And I tell you, I feel free! I don't feel responsible! Because I'm not. I play an active role in managing our monthly cash flow, but I don't feel the burden of managing our money, big picture. What a relief! Because ultimately, Todd is responsible before God for every decision he makes. So even if I disagree, it doesn't matter. That's for God to work out, not me.

Living God's way brings peace and blessing. We are called to take that step of faith and believe Him and what He says in His Word. Then we can watch Him show His faithfulness!!! I would encourage you to do the same.

My Responsibilites as a Wife - Love my Children - Part 1

So I'm certainly no parenting expert. And about a million books have been written on how to love and care for our children. What I do have is God's Word. That's where we will go today (because what is more valuable than the Bible for life and advice?) to answer the question:


How do I love my children?


Since we are exploring this morning:


My Responsibilities as a Wife, Biblically


2. Love my children (Titus 2:4) - they are his kids, after all


1 Corinthians 13 tells us what love is. It's often read at weddings, or talked about in the context of marriage. But why not use it as a parenting guide? Let's look first at the text:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
 ⁸ Love never fails.                                                                          1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Before we dig in, I've got to be honest. This has been a rough parenting week. Rough two weeks. Yesterday, my oldest and I had a battle about what she was wearing to school. My youngest caught a cold, it turned into an ear infection, decided to pop some teeth and stop napping all at the same time. He's spent much of the day loudly complaining. Around 6pm, I literally locked myself in my bathroom and prayed to Jesus  that I wouldn't do something I would regret!

Having patience is difficult, but a part of loving your children. We need patience to wait for them to learn to tie their shoes. We need patience when they ask for "just a little longer" snuggling. We need patience when they've spilled their sticky apple juice for the fourteenth time that week. We need patience when they ask for help picking out their outfit then choose something else to wear as soon as you walk out of the room. Or wet the bed. Again. I could go on. But this is just my kids. I imagine in other stages, we need patience for them to come back to the Lord. We need patience for them to make good choices with friends, or schoolwork, or to change the way they act towards you. We need patience to wait for them to find the right spouse, or give us grandbabies.

Patience may come easier to some personality types than others, but ultimately, its just a fruit of the Holy Spirit. If we desire to love our children, we need to ask the Holy Spirit for patience. Its not going to come "naturally." In fact, this morning, I'm going to ask the Holy Spirit for patience. Because I do absolutely struggle with loving my children in this way. Case and point: getting 4 children to the bus stop on time; 2 on the bus, 2 along for the ride.  Thats 4 pairs of shoes, 4 coats, 2 backpacks, 2 lunches, 1 bike, 1 helmet, 1 stroller, and one frazzled mom who is trying to feed them, teach them a Bible lesson, and get them out the door on time without yelling. I don't always accomlish it (both the on time part or the not yelling part). Only with the help of the Holy Spirit will I do this.

So how do I love my husband? Love my children. They are his kids, afterall.

Love is kind. Here's another way to love my children. Websters dictionary defines kind as "showing tenderness or goodness; disposed to do good and confer happiness; averse to hurting or paining; benevolent; benignant; gracious."

Kindness seems connected to goodness. Yet another fruit of the Spirit. There is a connection here... if I want to love my children, I need to ask for the Holy Spirit's help, and ask for Him to give me His fruit! Here's how I see this playing out, for example: With my daughter, I speak gently to her, and not harshly. I don't exasperate her with my expectations on her. I give her more hugs and hold her hand more, if she'll let me. I do little things for her that are unexpected that show her that I love her, like writing her little notes for her lunchbox, or giving her little gifts that she didn't ask for. I can't do this alone. Come, Holy Spirit, come.

More to come...

My Responsibilites as a Wife - The List

After a recent conversation with a friend, we asked the question, "What are our responsibilities as wives, Biblically?" Based on that conversation, we took a walk through the Word and made a list. It's certainly not all inclusive, but its a good start. I'm sure it will take me a lifetime just to get the first two.

In this post, I'll write the list. In coming week, months, hopefully I will begin to flesh out each one, giving the Scripture meaning and depth. Here goes:

My Responsibilities as a Wife, Biblically

1. Love my husband (Titus 2:4)

2. Love my children (Titus 2:4) - They are his kids, after all

3. Be self-controlled (Titus 2:5)

4. Purity (Titus 2:5) - not even a hint of sexual immorality (Eph. 5:3)

5. To be busy at home (Titus 2:5)

6. Kind (Titus 2:5)

7. To be subject to my husband (Titus 2:5), as to the Lord, in everything (Eph. 5:22-24)

8. To leave my parents, and cleave to my husband (Eph. 5:31)

9. To become one flesh (Eph. 5:31), to have sex with my husband (1 Cor. 7:3)

10. To give my body freely to my husband and don't hold back (1 Cor. 7:4)

11. Respect my husband (Eph. 5:33)

12. Do not repay evil for evil (Romans 12:17)

13. Pray for my husband (Romans 12:12)

14. Forgive him (Matthew 6:14)

My Responsibilites as a Wife - Love my Husband

Since I would like to think through these things, get them off the page, off a list, into my heart and into my actions, I'm going to work through each item on the list. Join me.

My responsibilities as a wife, biblically
1. Love my husband (Titus 2:4).

Recently my husband (when I asked him how I could love him better) told me he'd feel so loved if I'd make his coffee in the morning and bring it to him (while he's studying his Bible!). It seemed like an easy request, and of course I consented. I want to love my husband. I do love my husband. Of course I want to practically love him.   ... So why am I struggling so much with my attitude about this? I feel like a servant girl or a gopher or a secretary bringing coffee to her boss. Probably because there is nothing in this one for me. I'm being selfish. Love is not selfish, or self-seeking. Love does not look for "what's in it for me." Yet that is the place I'm in.

See, the other ways Todd feels loved are 1) physical affection and 2)words of encouragement. OK, 1) physical affection. This one is easy. Though I'm not a touchy-feely sort of gal, its easy to love Todd this way because we will sit on the couch, I will rub his feet and he will TALK TO ME. My love language: quality time. This one is a win-win. Or 2) words of encouragement. God made me an encourager. This also comes easy. Plus, his immediate reaction is so gratifying when I tell him what a wonderful man he is. And I honestly mean it.

But serve him??? Oh boy. When I take spiritual gift tests, service is always as the bottom of my list. And I already serve him and my family constantly: I make their breakfasts, lunch, dinner; I clean their bathrooms and wash their clothes; I make annoying phone calls (like to insurance company) and run errands. Now I have to bring him his coffee???

As I write, I'm reminded of Philippians 2:1-7:

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and in purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

Who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant...

If I want to have the same attitude as Jesus, I need to take on the "nature of a servant." That means I need to have the character, the attributes of, to act like a servant. Jesus served me when "he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross!" (Philippians 2:8b). If I call myself a Christ-follower, than that means I follow the example of Jesus, my Savior and my Boss. That means I serve my husband, and know that not only am I loving him as I'm directed to in Titus 2, but I'm following the example of Jesus as I do it.

As I write, the coffee started perking. I set it up on automatic start last night before I went to bed. Was that really that hard? It took me about 30 seconds to do. Is there anything in it for me? On the surface, no. But in my heart, if I could just get my attitude right, there is something for me. I enjoy the satisfaction that I'm following Jesus, practically. I'm being a servant, like Jesus was. And it's not like I'm dying on a cross here. I'm making coffee. I think I can do that.

Father, I need help with being a servant. It's a struggle for me. I'm tired of serving, and I confess that I resented the request, even though I asked for the feedback. Please forgive me for my selfishness. I do have encouragement from being united with Jesus. I do find GREAT comfort in His love. I do enjoy fellowship with your Holy Spirit, walking and talking with Him. Please help me to be one in spirit and purpose with Todd. Please deliver me from my selfishness, and help me to consider Todd better than myself. Help me put his needs above my own. As I pray that, please Father, take care of me as I serve my family and others. Please help me to be a servant, as Jesus is a servant. Help me to follow Jesus in word AND in deed. Help me to love my husband as you asked me to because you love me MADLY and you want me to THRIVE in my marriage. Thank you, Father, for loving me. Amen.

The Cry of a Mother's Heart

Dear God,

I listened to a woman speak today who had raised 4 boys and was now recently an empty nester. She passed around pictures of her boys as young men. They were so handsome. Some were married, some with girlfriends. One in a football jersey, playing for Princeton. They could have been my boys in 20 years. They were blond, athletic, smiling. They were following the Lord and loving beautiful young women.

Now Im in tears. Why?

It seemed like a glimpse into my future. My heart’s cry is that my children love you, marry a handsome man and beautiful women who love you, and to walk with you. They don’t have to be star athletes, the smartest in the class, rich or famous: I just want them to walk daily with you (because then I know they will find joy and peace despite the trouble in this life), and to get married to wonderful people.

God, I find such joy and peace in my husband. He loves me so wonderfully, and I feel so blessed to have him. I desperately want that for my children – to know the intimate, beautiful, deep love of another. And not just friends, but a husband, and wives. Because to have a spouse is to have a partner, a co-worker, a friend, a lover, a listener, a buddy, a playmate, a protector, a co-adventurer.

Father, I so deeply desire a spouse for my children. Would you give Maggie, Josh, Finn and Zac a spouse. And not just any man or woman. One who loves you, deeply, daily, honestly. One who chases you, finds you, is found by you. One who walks with you daily, searches your word, prays, intercedes, talks casually and prays reverently. One who confesses sin. One who desires to know you.

Please Daddy, I don’t want my children to be alone. I want them to enjoy the deeply satisfying love of a spouse. Would you give that to them? Would you help them to set their standards high and wait? Would you make them into good partners. Would you help them to walk in sexual purity before marriage and in marital faithfulness after marriage. Please help their eyes only to be for their spouse. Please help them to be honest, real, vunerable, loving, respectful and unselfish.

I know my kids are sinners, as I am. Please help them to take the way out from temptation that you promised them.  

Love, your daughter and their mother,

J Jen

Jesus and Marriage - Ephesians 5

Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us...    Ephesians 5:1-2

Much is made of wives submitting and husbands loving in marriage. God is clear on those commands to married people. But did you realize that Jesus did both things first: submitting and loving?

1. Let's tackle loving your wife first.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...   Ephesians 5:25

This love in Ephesians 5:25 is "agape" love. "Agape" love is unconditional love. It is described as "love that brings forth caring regardless of circumstance." (see posting on Agape love - Dec 2010)  A husband who loves his wife with agape love cares for her even when she is moody, or unattractive, or not meeting his needs, or busy, or overwhelmed, or nagging, or ignoring him, or critical, or controlling... A husband who loves his wife with agape love sets aside all of her shortcomings and circumstances, and loves her anyway. He lays down his desires for hers. He chooses her needs before his. He serves her.  He gives himself up for her. 

Sound attractive, wives? It sure does to me. But it also sounds impossible, doesn't it. Well, Jesus did it first. 

Christ loved us and gave himself up for us...     

Jesus loved us, His church, His bride (Rev. 19:7), so much that He died for us so that we could have a direct relationship with the Father. Jesus set aside all of our shortcomings and circumstances, and while we were still sinning, Jesus died for us anyway (Romans 5:8.). This is the standard that Jesus sets for husbands! He sets the bar really high. Husbands are to strive to love their wives like this. Can you imagine if all husbands loved their wives this way? Can you imagine if they died to their own desires and needs and always put their wives first? How amazing and attractive would marriage be?

But the ladies have a steep responsibility, too...

2. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.                          Ephesians 5:22-24

This word submit in the Greek is hupotasso which means "to yield to ones advice" or "a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden." This word can also be used in military language meaning "to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion under the command of a leader" for the purpose of mutual protection and victory.

I see this as, you can't have too many cooks in the kitchen. One person has to take charge, or nothing gets done. Ever been at a meeting when there isn't a clear cut leader? When several people are jockeying for control? Nothing gets done and everyone gets frustrated.  Now think of a meeting when the leader (or boss or PTO president or pastor) led the meeting, considered everyone's input, then made the best decision for the good of the group. I believe this is what God intends for marriage. A woman is not asked to be a footstool or like hired help in her home. She is asked, for the good of the team, to give her husband the final say. She is asked to "yield" to her husband, like when you let someone go ahead of you on the road. You choose to let them go first, so that you don't wreck both your cars.

Some men have misunderstood this passage and expected their wives to be doormats that they stepped on for their own selfish agenda. Some women have misunderstood this passage and rejected it because they thought that submission meant that they would lose their value or strength or "rights" or importance in a marriage. However, Jesus did not ask women to do something He didn't already do first. Jesus submitted Himself to the Father's will and to death on a cross.

 [Jesus] fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”                                                Matthew 26:39


Jesus submitted Himself to the Father. He chose the Father's will over His own. Aren't we glad He did? Because Jesus submitted to the Father and willingly yielded His life to death on the cross, we can forever be forgiven for any and all sin in our lives. We can enjoy eternal life in heaven when we believe in Jesus, and ask Him to be our Savior and King. Jesus' submission changed the world forever.

Jesus did not ask husbands and wives to do something that He didn't already do first: loving and submitting. Jesus' love and submission changed eternity, and I believe that a marriage that follows God's Word by loving and submitting "as to the Lord" is radical and can also make a huge difference in a family, in a community, and in a nation.  

One last thought: Even Jesus had to ask the Father for help. We need God's help to have a marriage that is loving and submissive. It does not come naturally, at least for me!

God, would you help us as wives to submit to our husbands and trust you for the results. Would you help our husbands to love us as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. May our marriages be radical and wonderful, and make a positive impact on the world around us. Amen.

Agape love - "Regardless of circumstance"

Our word LOVE has some serious limitations. I say "I love you" to my children and "I love your shoes" to a stranger. I say, "I will love you forever" to my groom on our wedding day, and "I love the color on these walls" to a visitor. In common ancient Greek, the language in which the New Testament was written, there are four words for "love" :

agape - Agape love is unconditional love, love that "brings forth caring regardless of circumstance," sacrificial love.  

eros - Eros love is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing, as between two lovers.

philos - Philos is love between family and friends, a "brotherly" love.

storge - Storge is affectionate love, like a parent for her child.

For this posting, I'm going to focus on agape love. In my personal study, I wanted to find the times in the New Testament that talked about God having agape love for His children, for me. I'll discuss four times when agape love is directed from God to man.

1. Mark 10:17-22

As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. “Good teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
       “Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone. You know the commandments: ‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, you shall not defraud, honor your father and mother.’”
      “Teacher,” he declared, “all these I have kept since I was a boy.”  Jesus looked at him and [agape] loved him.    
        “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”  
        At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.
 
What amazes me about this passage is that  Jesus looked at him and [agape] loved him. Jesus knew that this rich young ruler was NOT going to give up his wealth to follow Jesus. In a sense, the rich young ruler failed. He chose money over Jesus. He did not have faith. He was greedy instead. He chose to worship wealth instead of worship God. He was an idolater and a sinner, and worse, he thought he was without sin. He thought he had kept all the commandments since [he] was a boy. Yet, Jesus looked at him and loved him.

This illustrates agape love so well to me. Jesus looked at this young man and loved him. The love of Jesus was not dependent upon the rich young ruler's obedience or faith. How comforting! I fail again and again. I sin again and again. I worship idols other than God, yet... Jesus loves me. I know that God is pleased when I obey, when I smash my idols before Him, and when I walk in faith, but when I fail... Jesus still loves me. It reminds me of the verse:

While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.     Romans 5:8

This just proves to me in Scripture, with both passages, that Jesus' love for me is not based on my performance. I could never earn His love. While I was still sinning, Jesus still chose to die for me! That is truly love. May the love I have for my husband, my children, my extended family, my friends, and even my enemies, be love that "brings forth caring regardless of circumstance."  

2. John 3:16

For God so [agape] loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Most of us have heard or read this verse a million times, and it's almost lost its impact because of its familiarity, so let's make it personal.

God loved ME so much, even while I sinned and failed and rejected Him, that He was willing to send His only child to earth so that He could die a horrible death and take the punishment for MY wrong-doing. He did this so that I could live forever when I put my faith and trust in that Son, Jesus.  

The thought of giving up my firstborn son to suffer a horrible death in place of someone who doesn't deserve it makes me want to throw up. I love my children. I hate it when they scrape a knee. I don't wish any harm on them. Yet God sent Jesus, and was willing to let His Son to be whipped and mocked and crucified for ME while I was still sinning.

That's love. Agape love.

3. John 11:5

Jesus [agape] loved  Martha and her sister and Lazarus.

I read this verse first when I was closely studying the interaction between Martha and Mary in Luke 10:38-42. And it made me weep. In summary, Martha is fussing over the details of having Jesus and his crew in her home, and Mary is sitting at Jesus' feet, learning from him like a disciple of a rabbi. Martha gets frustrated because she is doing all the work and asks Jesus to make her sister help her. But Jesus rebukes Martha, and tells her that Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her. (Luke 10:42) 

A couple observations on this passage: Jesus had female friends. Mary was a female and sat at the feet of Jesus, learning like the male disciples. And even though Martha didn't make the right choice this time, Jesus still agape loved her. And Mary. And Lazarus.

Do you see the connection between all these passages? The love of Jesus is not based on a person's actions.  Jesus loves me, "regardless of circumstance."

4. John 13:23

One of them, the disciple whom Jesus [agape] loved, was reclining next to him. (NIV) 
                                                                                                            ... was leaning against His bosom. (KJV)

The disciple John is repeatedly referred to as the disciple whom Jesus loved. We've already established that Jesus doesn't play favorites (see Jesus and Favoritism - Dec 2010), but John was probably Jesus' best friend on earth. He was certainly in the "inner circle" which included Peter, James and John. Imagine being your Savior's best friend. Wow.

What is radical about this verse, is that John, a grown man, is leaning against Jesus' chest. Maybe he was leaning back against Him, or sideways with his head on Jesus' chest. Either way, they were snuggling! We know Jesus was perfect and without sin, so this was love expressed with all purity. How radical! Jesus' love was even demonstrated with physical affection.

This so blew me away that I taught it to my children the morning that I saw it for myself. It puzzled them at first. Jesus snuggling with His disciple? It certainly changes the preconceived notion of Jesus always sitting away from them, teaching them, always in a posture of composed Rabbi, with some distance. No! Jesus was in relationship with them, friendship even, and they were being affectionate!

Make any of you a little uncomfortable? OK, then put yourself in the arms of Jesus. Lean YOUR head against His chest. Let His arms fall around you. Snuggle up to Jesus. Now do you want to just weep?

Our Lord and Savior is personal and intimate and close. His love is not from afar; it is right where you are. He is not a removed teacher, or distant priest. He doesn't withhold Himself from you. He freely gives you His body, His affection, and His love. And that agape love is not dependent on what you do. Though He desires our obedience, His love is not dependent upon it.

Agape love is "unconditional love, love that brings forth caring regardless of circumstance." This is how God loves us. "Regardless of circumstance."