My Responsibilites as a Wife - The List

After a recent conversation with a friend, we asked the question, "What are our responsibilities as wives, Biblically?" Based on that conversation, we took a walk through the Word and made a list. It's certainly not all inclusive, but its a good start. I'm sure it will take me a lifetime just to get the first two.

In this post, I'll write the list. In coming week, months, hopefully I will begin to flesh out each one, giving the Scripture meaning and depth. Here goes:

My Responsibilities as a Wife, Biblically

1. Love my husband (Titus 2:4)

2. Love my children (Titus 2:4) - They are his kids, after all

3. Be self-controlled (Titus 2:5)

4. Purity (Titus 2:5) - not even a hint of sexual immorality (Eph. 5:3)

5. To be busy at home (Titus 2:5)

6. Kind (Titus 2:5)

7. To be subject to my husband (Titus 2:5), as to the Lord, in everything (Eph. 5:22-24)

8. To leave my parents, and cleave to my husband (Eph. 5:31)

9. To become one flesh (Eph. 5:31), to have sex with my husband (1 Cor. 7:3)

10. To give my body freely to my husband and don't hold back (1 Cor. 7:4)

11. Respect my husband (Eph. 5:33)

12. Do not repay evil for evil (Romans 12:17)

13. Pray for my husband (Romans 12:12)

14. Forgive him (Matthew 6:14)

My Responsibilites as a Wife - Love my Husband

Since I would like to think through these things, get them off the page, off a list, into my heart and into my actions, I'm going to work through each item on the list. Join me.

My responsibilities as a wife, biblically
1. Love my husband (Titus 2:4).

Recently my husband (when I asked him how I could love him better) told me he'd feel so loved if I'd make his coffee in the morning and bring it to him (while he's studying his Bible!). It seemed like an easy request, and of course I consented. I want to love my husband. I do love my husband. Of course I want to practically love him.   ... So why am I struggling so much with my attitude about this? I feel like a servant girl or a gopher or a secretary bringing coffee to her boss. Probably because there is nothing in this one for me. I'm being selfish. Love is not selfish, or self-seeking. Love does not look for "what's in it for me." Yet that is the place I'm in.

See, the other ways Todd feels loved are 1) physical affection and 2)words of encouragement. OK, 1) physical affection. This one is easy. Though I'm not a touchy-feely sort of gal, its easy to love Todd this way because we will sit on the couch, I will rub his feet and he will TALK TO ME. My love language: quality time. This one is a win-win. Or 2) words of encouragement. God made me an encourager. This also comes easy. Plus, his immediate reaction is so gratifying when I tell him what a wonderful man he is. And I honestly mean it.

But serve him??? Oh boy. When I take spiritual gift tests, service is always as the bottom of my list. And I already serve him and my family constantly: I make their breakfasts, lunch, dinner; I clean their bathrooms and wash their clothes; I make annoying phone calls (like to insurance company) and run errands. Now I have to bring him his coffee???

As I write, I'm reminded of Philippians 2:1-7:

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and in purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

Who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant...

If I want to have the same attitude as Jesus, I need to take on the "nature of a servant." That means I need to have the character, the attributes of, to act like a servant. Jesus served me when "he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross!" (Philippians 2:8b). If I call myself a Christ-follower, than that means I follow the example of Jesus, my Savior and my Boss. That means I serve my husband, and know that not only am I loving him as I'm directed to in Titus 2, but I'm following the example of Jesus as I do it.

As I write, the coffee started perking. I set it up on automatic start last night before I went to bed. Was that really that hard? It took me about 30 seconds to do. Is there anything in it for me? On the surface, no. But in my heart, if I could just get my attitude right, there is something for me. I enjoy the satisfaction that I'm following Jesus, practically. I'm being a servant, like Jesus was. And it's not like I'm dying on a cross here. I'm making coffee. I think I can do that.

Father, I need help with being a servant. It's a struggle for me. I'm tired of serving, and I confess that I resented the request, even though I asked for the feedback. Please forgive me for my selfishness. I do have encouragement from being united with Jesus. I do find GREAT comfort in His love. I do enjoy fellowship with your Holy Spirit, walking and talking with Him. Please help me to be one in spirit and purpose with Todd. Please deliver me from my selfishness, and help me to consider Todd better than myself. Help me put his needs above my own. As I pray that, please Father, take care of me as I serve my family and others. Please help me to be a servant, as Jesus is a servant. Help me to follow Jesus in word AND in deed. Help me to love my husband as you asked me to because you love me MADLY and you want me to THRIVE in my marriage. Thank you, Father, for loving me. Amen.

The Cry of a Mother's Heart

Dear God,

I listened to a woman speak today who had raised 4 boys and was now recently an empty nester. She passed around pictures of her boys as young men. They were so handsome. Some were married, some with girlfriends. One in a football jersey, playing for Princeton. They could have been my boys in 20 years. They were blond, athletic, smiling. They were following the Lord and loving beautiful young women.

Now Im in tears. Why?

It seemed like a glimpse into my future. My heart’s cry is that my children love you, marry a handsome man and beautiful women who love you, and to walk with you. They don’t have to be star athletes, the smartest in the class, rich or famous: I just want them to walk daily with you (because then I know they will find joy and peace despite the trouble in this life), and to get married to wonderful people.

God, I find such joy and peace in my husband. He loves me so wonderfully, and I feel so blessed to have him. I desperately want that for my children – to know the intimate, beautiful, deep love of another. And not just friends, but a husband, and wives. Because to have a spouse is to have a partner, a co-worker, a friend, a lover, a listener, a buddy, a playmate, a protector, a co-adventurer.

Father, I so deeply desire a spouse for my children. Would you give Maggie, Josh, Finn and Zac a spouse. And not just any man or woman. One who loves you, deeply, daily, honestly. One who chases you, finds you, is found by you. One who walks with you daily, searches your word, prays, intercedes, talks casually and prays reverently. One who confesses sin. One who desires to know you.

Please Daddy, I don’t want my children to be alone. I want them to enjoy the deeply satisfying love of a spouse. Would you give that to them? Would you help them to set their standards high and wait? Would you make them into good partners. Would you help them to walk in sexual purity before marriage and in marital faithfulness after marriage. Please help their eyes only to be for their spouse. Please help them to be honest, real, vunerable, loving, respectful and unselfish.

I know my kids are sinners, as I am. Please help them to take the way out from temptation that you promised them.  

Love, your daughter and their mother,

J Jen

Proverbs and Money- Part 1

I've been a life-long worrier over money, and recently I asked God for freedom from that worry. As part of that journey, I've been reading Proverbs and looking specifically for verses on money. Here's what I've discovered so far...

A good name is more desirable than great riches;
to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.  Prov. 22:1

It is better to have a good reputation than to be rich. It's better that people like you than to have money in the bank.

Rich and poor have this in common:
The Lord is the Maker of them all.  Prov. 22:2

Rich people and poor people act like they are so different - but the truth is that they are just the same. God made the poor and man and He made the rich man, and He chose what family each would be born in to. But if the rich man is tempted to think... if I am tempted to think, since I am rich (Beth Moore defines a wealthy person as one who has the money to buy a book and the education to read it. I've also heard "wealthy" defined as one who has enough food for today AND for tomorrow.) that I am better than a poor person, then I'm wrong. We are made by the same God. We are both dust. We are equal in God's site. He does not play favorites, and nor should we. We have what we have because God gave it to us. We always need to remember that. We sometimes fall into the thinking that we have earned our wealth. Wise living may lead to wealth, as Proverbs will continue to explain, but truly, what we have is God's gift to us.

Humility and fear of the Lord bring wealth and honor and life. Prov. 22:4

Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you (Matthew 6:33). Pursue humility FIRST. Fear the Lord FIRST. Then the Lord promises wealth, honor and life. Is there a number attached to that promise? No. But God does promise wealth. He also says, "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up (James 4:10)." There is a confirmation here in Scripture - humility brings honor. There is also an upside-down principle here (society vs. Scripture) - our society wants money so they chase money and love money. They want honor so they step on people. They want a great life so they pursue pleasure and put themselves first and chase every desire.
            God's response? "'Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have (Hebrews 13:5),' because I 'will meet all your needs according to [my] glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).'"
            
Need money? Fear the Lord and trust in His promise to provide.
Want honor? Humble yourself before the Lord.
Need a life? Know that He is the Sovereign and Risen Lord and trust that He came "that they may have life, and have it to the full (John 10:10)."

The Reluctant Leader

But Moses said to God, "Who am I, that I should go to Pharoah and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?"     
                                                                                                                             Exodus 3:11

Moses started as a reluctant leader. He became one of the greatest leaders of all time. How did Moses get from reluctant shepherd to mighty leader? Lets look at his first direct interaction with God in Exodus 3-4. God laid a foundation in this first discussion with Moses for their relationship in years to come. God was plain and straight-forward. God built His confidence, not by showing Moses his strengths, but instead by showing Moses His strengths.

Lets look at Exodus 3-4 play by play:

1. God calls Moses. God went to great lengths to speak specifically to Moses. He had a plan for Moses. He wanted Moses, and not just anyone.

There the angel of the Lord appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Exodus 3:2

God also has a specific calling for each of us. He will make it clear to us if we just pay attention.

2. God calls him by name. God knows Moses' name. He wants Moses' attention. He wants Moses to have no question that He is speaking to him, specifically. 

God called to him from within the bush, "Moses! Moses!" Exodus 3:4

Our God is a personal God. He knows us deeply, intimately. He knit us together in our mother's womb (Psalm 139:13). He isn't suprised by our personality. And He knows our name. Listen, you may hear Him calling you by name. What is He saying to you?

3. His presence was there. God was clearly THERE with Moses; why else would He tell Moses that this was holy ground?

“Do not come any closer,” God said. “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.”    Exodus 3:5

Where is the holy ground in your life? What is sacred, or needs to be sacred? Have you set aside some holy time or holy place to be alone with God?

4. God identifies Himself. God clarifies which God He is - not some pagan god. By reminding Moses that He is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, He is reminding him of His faithfulness to the forefathers. He is reminding Moses of the mighty deeds He has accomplished, promises fulfilled, and the relationships He had with those families. Its like taking a walk back through Genesis in just a name.

Then he said, “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob.” Exodus 3:6

Don't we sometimes need to be reminded who God is? I certainly do. When we are doubting ourselves, we need to look back at this amazing God and what He has already done. We need to look at His faithfulness to Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Esther, Ruth, Gideon... and know that He will be this faithful to us as well. God is the same yesterday, today and forever. His faithfulness lasts through all generations (Psalm 100:5).

5. God tells Moses His plan. God also tells Moses His intentions and even His motivation to do these things.

The LORD said, “I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey—the home of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites.   Exodus 3:7-8

6. God tells Moses his job in His plan. God is specific in His intructions for Moses:

"So now, go, I am sending you to Pharoah to bring my people the Isrealites out of Egypt." Exodus 3:10

7. God tells Moses His name. 
God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM."      Exodus 3:14

8. God tells Moses what to say. Moses didn't even have to come up with his own words. God gives him the words.
“Go, assemble the elders of Israel and say to them, ‘The LORD, the God of your fathers—the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob—appeared to me and said: I have watched over you and have seen what has been done to you in Egypt. And I have promised to bring you up out of your misery in Egypt into the land of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites—a land flowing with milk and honey.’        Exodus 3:16-17

9. God tells Moses what will happen. There will be no suprises for Moses. God prepares him ahead of time.  God clearly wants to prepare Moses for this journey He has chosen Moses for.

“The elders of Israel will listen to you. Then you and the elders are to go to the king of Egypt and say to him, ‘The LORD, the God of the Hebrews, has met with us. Let us take a three-day journey into the wilderness to offer sacrifices to the LORD our God.’ But I know that the king of Egypt will not let you go unless a mighty hand compels him. So I will stretch out my hand and strike the Egyptians with all the wonders that I will perform among them. After that, he will let you go.
   “And I will make the Egyptians favorably disposed toward this people, so that when you leave you will not go empty-handed. Every woman is to ask her neighbor and any woman living in her house for articles of silver and gold and for clothing, which you will put on your sons and daughters. And so you will plunder the Egyptians.”                       Exodus 4:18-22

10. God shows Moses the tools he has access to. Moses has not yet seen the power of Yahweh, the God of his fathers. God wanted to let Moses know who was calling him to do amazing things. But this God also had the power to do amazing things, and could give Moses this power. God did this also to build Moses' confidence.

    Moses answered, “What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, ‘The LORD did not appear to you’?”
   Then the LORD said to him, “What is that in your hand?”
   “A staff,” he replied.
   The LORD said, “Throw it on the ground.”
   Moses threw it on the ground and it became a snake, and he ran from it. Then the LORD said to him, “Reach out your hand and take it by the tail.” So Moses reached out and took hold of the snake and it turned back into a staff in his hand. “This,” said the LORD, “is so that they may believe that the LORD, the God of their fathers—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob—has appeared to you.”
   Then the LORD said, “Put your hand inside your cloak.” So Moses put his hand into his cloak, and when he took it out, the skin was leprous—it had become as white as snow.
   “Now put it back into your cloak,” he said. So Moses put his hand back into his cloak, and when he took it out, it was restored, like the rest of his flesh.
   Then the LORD said, “If they do not believe you or pay attention to the first sign, they may believe the second. But if they do not believe these two signs or listen to you, take some water from the Nile and pour it on the dry ground. The water you take from the river will become blood on the ground.”        
             Exodus 4:1-8


11. God reminds Moses who he is. This is another reminder for the doubting, reluctant leader. God reminds Moses who he is, and in contrast, who He is.

Moses said to the LORD, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”
   The LORD said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the LORD? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”  Exodus 4:10-12

When we doubt our abilities to do something for the Kingdom of God, don't look to God to encourage you in your strengths. Instead, ask Him to remind you of His strengths. We are nothing, and can do nothing apart from God (John 15:5). But with God, all things are possible (Luke 2:37).

Lord God, show us yourself so that we may believe.

Isaiah 1 and 5 - A Rebellious People and the Vineyard

Its been ages since I posted, but Ive just finished my study on the book of Isaiah, and I wanted to blog about what Ive learned. Much thanks and accolades go to the Holy Spirit, Bible Study Fellowship, Marnie Meeks and my amazing discussion group who opened my eyes to the Scripture and taught me so much about this wonderful and complex book of Isaiah.

Isaiah 1

Isaiah's prophesy from God jumps right into how God feels about His people. And in those moments, He is not pleased. The people are in the promised land, post-Moses and Joshua. They have "conquered" the Promised Land (though not completely like God asked them to) and have settled there. Many kings have lived, ruled, died, some that honored God and others that spread and endorsed idol worship. Isaiah prophesies during the reigns of Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz and Hezekiah. Of those kings, Hezekiah was the only that honored God.

Here is what God says through Isaiah about his people:

“I reared children and brought them up,
   but they have rebelled against me.
³ The ox knows its master,
   the donkey its owner’s manger,
but Israel does not know,
   my people do not understand.”       Isaiah 1:2b-3

God has given His people everything they need, yet they rebel against Him. In chapter 5, Isaiah uses the analogy of a vineyard to explain God's provision and Israel's shortcoming:

My loved one [Isaiah speaking of God] had a vineyard
   on a fertile hillside.
² He dug it up and cleared it of stones
   and planted it with the choicest vines.
He built a watchtower in it
   and cut out a winepress as well.
Then he looked for a crop of good grapes,
   but it yielded only bad fruit.
 ³ “Now you dwellers in Jerusalem and people of Judah,
   judge between me and my vineyard.
⁴ What more could have been done for my vineyard
   than I have done for it?
When I looked for good grapes,
   why did it yield only bad?                 Isaiah 5:1b-4

God planted a vineyard. He cleared the land, turned over the soil, and planted top notch vines. He built a watchtower so that someone would be watching over the vineyard at all times - protecting it from foxes who might ruin the vineyard (SoS 2:15), intruders who might steal or ruin the grapes, frost or fire that might destroy the grapes. It makes me think of that movie with Keanu Reeves "Walk in the Clouds" where a family owns a vineyard, and give their lives to protecting that vineyard. A bell tolls at night waking the family up telling them that there is frost. They stay up all night warming the grapes. Another night there is a fire, and they give everything they have to protect the vineyard.

So it is with God. He says, "What more could have been done for my vineyard...? When I looked for good grapes, why did it yield only bad?"

The question we have to ask is this: Are we following God with all our might, or are we rebelling against Him? Has He provided everything we need, yet we are still bad grapes? Do we produce sweet, fragrant, abundant fruit, or is our produce sour, withered, weak?

Where do you see God tending your vineyard? Open your eyes to see Him and His provision. Then give your life to Him completely. Give over every area; fully surrender. Then experience the LOVE of the attentive Gardener who tills your soil and watches your fruit constantly because He LOVES you.

Ecclesiastes - Solomon, the author, part 2 - The Wise King

When all Israel heard the verdict the king had given, they held the king in awe, because they saw that he had wisdom from God to administer justice.    I Kings 3:28

God promised Solomon wisdom, riches and honor, and He quickly provided the first: wisdom. Two women approached Solomon. They had babies at the same time, and on the third day, one of the babies died. The full story is in 1 Kings 3:16-28:

 Now two prostitutes came to the king and stood before him. One of them said, “Pardon me, my lord. This woman and I live in the same house, and I had a baby while she was there with me. The third day after my child was born, this woman also had a baby. We were alone; there was no one in the house but the two of us.

“During the night this woman’s son died because she lay on him. So she got up in the middle of the night and took my son from my side while I your servant was asleep. She put him by her breast and put her dead son by my breast. The next morning, I got up to nurse my son—and he was dead! But when I looked at him closely in the morning light, I saw that it wasn’t the son I had borne.”

The other woman said, “No! The living one is my son; the dead one is yours.” But the first one insisted, “No! The dead one is yours; the living one is mine.” And so they argued before the king.

Two women came before Solomon. Interesting that they were prostitutes. They were arguing over whose baby died, and who would have the living baby. As a mother of four, I know that after three days, you know your baby. Even if this little bundle looks like an alien when they first hand him to you, after three days you know that child. He is yours. You know his smell, his cries, even some of his mannerisms. He is brand new, but unquestionably yours, and a part of your soul.

The first woman knew her baby had died. She stole the other baby, because while a mother may know her newborn from his noises alone, another man or woman may not be able to tell the difference between two Hebrew newborns. It was one woman’s word against another. And as prostitutes, there likely wasn’t an invested father who could identify his child. So how would you rule on who got custody on the living newborn?

Solomon knew.

The king said, “This one says, ‘My son is alive and your son is dead,’ while that one says, ‘No! Your son is dead and mine is alive.’” Then the king said, “Bring me a sword.” So they brought a sword for the king. He then gave an order: “Cut the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other.”  1 Kings 3:23-25

Solomon knew that the true mother could not let her child be cut in two. She’d rather another woman raise him than let any harm come to him. I think of Moses’ mother. She put her son in the Nile in a basket rather than let the soldiers have him. She gave her son to Pharoah’s daughter to be raised in order to save his life. The true mother will give up everything for the safety of her child.

The woman whose son was alive was deeply moved out of love for her son and said to the king, “Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don’t kill him!” But the other said, “Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!”

Then the king gave his ruling: “Give the living baby to the first woman. Do not kill him; she is his mother.”   When all Israel heard the verdict the king had given, they held the king in awe, because they saw that he had wisdom from God to administer justice.   1 Kings 3:26-28

Solomon had a wise response to two sparring prostitutes. He was wise because God gave him wisdom. Here’s what’s amazing. We too have access to wisdom from God. James 1:5 says:

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

Solomon was wise because he asked God for wisdom. Let us also ask God for wisdom, because our great God promises that He will give it to us!